Emotional Intelligence as Resistance and Resilience
I didn’t grow up hearing about emotional intelligence. Like many of us navigating systems not built for our wholeness, I learned emotional self-regulation through survival, not through leadership courses. But recently, I had the chance to deepen my understanding in a leadership training—and it changed how I think about resiliency, power, and relationships.
Here’s what stood out: Emotional intelligence isn’t just a leadership “skill.” It’s a way of being that helps us remain grounded, especially in spaces that try to take too much from us. It’s a cycle that starts with ourselves, extends to others, and ultimately shapes how we show up in the world.
The cycle includes four parts:
Know yourself
Manage yourself
Get to know others, and recognize what’s showing up in them
Manage those relationships
It sounds simple. But it’s not easy. Especially when your emotions have been policed or dismissed. Especially when you’ve been taught that managing others means controlling them—not understanding them.
Emotional intelligence asks us to:
Recognize our own emotions without shame
Pick up on what others might be feeling, even when it’s unspoken
Use that awareness to build trust and grow authentic influence
There’s a dimension to emotional intelligence that’s often left out: context.
The training taught that emotional intelligence plays out in three dimensions:
The situation, your choices and decisions, and the resulting outcomes.
To me, that’s important—because we don’t all walk into rooms with the same power or privilege. Our context matters. And that’s why I say emotional intelligence must be decolonized. It’s not about performing calmness or swallowing pain to make others comfortable. It’s about responding with clarity and integrity—without lowering your own standards just to keep the peace.
Let me say that again:
Never lower your standards to make someone else feel more comfortable.
Once you do, you may shift the outcome permanently—and not always in a way that honors your values.
I’m still learning this. I’m still practicing. I believe emotional intelligence can be a tool for healing and collective resilience—not just career advancement.
Want to practice emotional intelligence in a deeper, more grounded way?
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Let’s grow together—starting from the inside out.
